I speak for the majority when I say we are a nation of people pleasers. We may not realise but it has a bigger impact on our wellbeing than you may think. We tend to get caught up in pleasing everyone else that we ignore the needs and wants of ourselves in the process. We deem it to be “selfish” if we put our needs before others but it’s not.
It’s okay to put yourself first. How many times have you felt you’ve made an effort with someone time and time again and they won’t make an effort to make contact with you to meet up? How many times have you taken an interest in someone’s life, asking questions and waited for them to ask you about yours but it doesn’t happen? How many times have you agonised over letting someone down, yet they wouldn’t worry about you should the roles reverse? How many times have you gone over and beyond for an individual but it isn’t returned when you are in need?
I’m not saying we stop caring about others and simply just think of ourselves and there are people who are exceptions but we need to draw a line when we are investing more in a relationship than is invested in us. This type of behaviour impacts significantly on us maybe more than we know. You are worried, let down, feeling a bit insignificant and uncared for. It's not good for your well-being.
So how to recognise some of the traits that you are not a priority to them even though they are a priority to you:
You are always the one to make contact first no matter what
They are constantly saying the dates you suggest don’t suit but don’t suggest an alternative date
They always cancel plans last minute
They say they haven’t time to meet up with anyone yet you see on their social media out with others
They don’t ask you about you but constantly talk to themselves
They make someone else a priority over you every time
It’s okay to let go, it’s toxic to be chasing relationships like this. Sometimes it is difficult if it’s been a long term relationship but it will benefit you in the long run when avoiding the heartache. Spend time with those who care about you. If you’re worried about being lonely- join a club, take up a new hobby, volunteer for something new. Don’t let yourself go through this, you’re worth more!
Do you feel we fall victim to pleasing people?
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Thank you for reading,
AlwaysAisling